Media Mindfulness with your children

Media Mindfulness is a way of being conscious of how much time we spend in front of screens whether it be televisions, computers, iPads, smart phones, video games or any other technological devices. 

What screen time can really do to children's brains
When very small children get hooked on tablets and smartphones, says Dr. Aric Sigman, an associate fellow of the British Psychological Society and a Fellow of Britain’s Royal Society of Medicine, they can unintentionally cause permanent damage to their still-developing brain's frontal lobe. Too much screen time too soon, he says, “is the very thing impeding the development of the abilities that parents are so eager to foster through the tablets. The ability to focus, to concentrate, to lend attention, to sense other people’s attitudes and communicate with them, to build a large vocabulary—all those abilities are harmed.”
The brain’s frontal lobe is the area responsible for decoding and comprehending social interactions. It is in this corner of the mind that we empathize with others, take in nonverbal cues while talking to friends and colleagues, and learn how to read the hundreds of unspoken signs—facial expression, tone of voice, and more—that add color and depth to real-world relationships.
How and when does the brain’s frontal lobe develop?
The most crucial stage of frontal lobe development is in early childhood and it is dependent on authentic human interactions. So if your young child is spending all of his/her time in front of an iPad instead of chatting and playing with teachers, parents and other children, his empathetic abilities (the instinctive way you and I can read situations and get a feel for other people) may be dulled, possibly for good.
What you can do
Families should encourage "media mindfulness" in their children's lives. Parents and children can work together to decide how much time to spend with media every day, and to make sure good choices are being made about what media to take in.

​Tips on sorting out screen time 

1. Do real work in the presence of your children. Real work is this: washing dishes, sweeping the kitchen, folding laundry, making soup, etc.  Seeing us do actual, physical work – with results they can see – inspires our children to do their work (play!).
2. Bring back car games! Don’t turn on that DVD player while driving.  Staring out the window is a great time for that essential part of childhood – daydreaming.  Or being bored.  Or finding all the letters of the alphabet on license plates.
3. Cultivate the endangered skill of “Wondering in the Age of Google.”  Immediate answers to every question “cheapens” the beauty and pace of wondering.  Sit with the question for awhile, and then pull out the reference books.
4. Strengthen your Parental Resolve.  You are the benevolent King or Queen of your family; feel that energy, and be clear about the screen time boundaries.  (If you want support in embodying the role of the warm, firm and calm leader of your family, this is one of the many things they work on in Simplicity Parenting parent groups.Perhaps you could start one up in your area?)
5. Create mealtime rituals.  Remember that meals are sacred family time; create rituals that you all look forward to, so the fact that screens are off-limits at the table isn’t even noticed. One of my favorites? Everyone tells the rose (best part), thorn (hardest part) and bud (what they’re looking forward to tomorrow) for that day.
6. Be a good media role model. Model “The Pause” (slow down, be quiet and tune in to your child).
7. Set clear screen time parameters: the struggle is less when the parameters are clear.
8. For tweens or teens who may be getting their first phone. Create a contract.
9. Keep supplies stocked; a nice thick pad of drawing paper, sharpened pencils and a few field guides are a good place to start!
10. Get comfortable with hearing, “I’m bored!.” In fact, give yourself a secret pat on the back when you’re children say this; allowing them the time and space for boredom (which is the precursor to deep play) is a true gift.

What we are doing in our home
​Here in New Zealand we live in a community space with family and friends. Niko, Mirabai, Silas and I live in a yurt and we have our own kitchen about 100 yards away from the main house which is the shared community space. There are travelers and friends passing through the main house most days and this can make it tricky to get every one on board for setting healthy media examples. We recently had a core family meeting and discussed how we can be better role models for the children and each other in the community. Media mindfulness was a topic that I had brought up and upon much discussion we decided to set up a 'internet cafe' in one of the rooms at the main house. Now we have a space where all the technology lives and where people can go and work on their computers or phones. The children can still be in the community space without the devices being used freely all the time here and there around them. The adults are showing that they have clear intentions and meaningfulness around using technology. The process and follow through of setting up a set space in our home for the use of computers and phones has been extremely helpful, healthful and rewarding for all of us and I highly recommend it for any family living in or out of community.